top of page

When Do We (Parents) Stop Parenting?

  • Writer: Fatumo Osman
    Fatumo Osman
  • Jul 23
  • 4 min read

As parents, we often wonder when our active parenting role comes to an end. A couple of days ago, I was discussing this with a friend—we both have children in their twenties. For many parents, this question lingers as we watch our children grow from dependent infants into independent adults. Yet, the answer isn't as simple as marking a specific age or milestone on the calendar.


My friend and I both believe that we remain active parents as long as our children need us—though the role shifts. Parenting doesn’t come with an expiration date; it transforms. It evolves from hands-on daily care to a more nuanced, supportive presence. This evolution challenges us to find a delicate balance between staying involved in our children’s lives and respecting their growing independence.


Image created in Canva
Image created in Canva

Evolving Roles


The journey of finding this balance affects both parents and adult children. For parents, it means learning to step back while remaining emotionally available. For adult children, it means forging their own path while knowing they have a reliable support system. As parents, we offer them both wisdom and emotional safety.


Our roles adapt as our children mature. It offers insights into nurturing healthy parent-child relationships throughout all of life’s stages. This balancing act can be particularly challenging for parents who grew up in collective societies of the Global South and are raising their children in the more individualistic culture of the Global North. What do I mean by this? Many people like me, moved from their family home when they got married. I still go and ask for advice my parent, uncles and aunts.


The Lifelong Nature of Parenting


The parent-child relationship goes beyond age milestones and life stages. While moments like first steps, graduations, or career achievements are significant, the bond between parent and child remains constant.


Ali bin Abi Talib (RA) wisely said about raising children:

“Play with them for the first seven years, teach them for the next seven years, then advise them for the years after that.”


This perspective resonates with my friend and me. We value remaining active parents as long as our children want us in that role. It becomes less about hands-on caregiving and more about offering mentorship. In our culture, we support our children until they can stand on their own feet—emotionally and financially, especially during their education. Emotional support, however, has no expiration date. It continues for as long as they need us.


When Does Active Parenting Typically Decrease?


The shift from active parenting to a more hands-off approach often aligns with significant developmental milestones in young adults. Research shows that the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and complex planning—continues developing until around age 25 (Wood et al., 2017).


This biological timeline supports the idea that even though children legally become adults at 18, they often still need guidance. By their mid-twenties, many young adults achieve greater financial independence, stronger problem-solving abilities, and a clearer sense of identity. But reaching that point often requires continued support—emotionally, and sometimes financially.


The Evolving Parent-Child Relationship


As children grow older, the parent-child dynamic shifts naturally. Parents transition from being primary caregivers to trusted confidants. Emotional support often begins to flow both ways. For example:

  • A mother might comfort her 30-year-old daughter during a difficult divorce.

  • A father may seek advice from his adult children about retirement planning or a house purchase.


It takes two to tango


The depth of parental love creates a lasting emotional safety net. But adult children also need to lean into that connection—to receive support and value the wisdom their parents offer. Emotional safety stems from a secure attachment built in childhood and often remains strong into adulthood.


Sometimes, our adult children may show us—or even tell us—that they don’t want our advice or support. They might even push us away. This can be a deeply emotional and painful experience for parents, especially when all you want is to help and share your hard-earned wisdom.


But remember: pushing away is not always rejection.Creating healthy boundaries with adult children requires a thoughtful balance—being emotionally available while respecting their independence.


Here are some practical strategies:

  • Examine the relationship dynamics: What kind of relationship do you have now?

  • Give space without closing the door.

  • Give them time to reach out—and give yourself time to heal.

  • Process your pain without letting it drive your responses.

  • Prioritise your own well-being and self-care.

  • Remember: You can’t control your child’s journey, but you can control how you respond to it.

  • Know when to seek support, whether from other family members or a professional.


Conclusion


Parenting doesn’t have an expiration date—it transforms. The journey shifts from active guidance to a balanced partnership grounded in mutual respect and trust. This evolution allows both parents and children to grow and maintain meaningful connections throughout adulthood.


The key is not to stop parenting, but to parent differently. Embrace this natural progression and foster relationships that support autonomy while keeping emotional bonds strong.


Your role as a parent doesn't end—it evolves. And in that evolution lies the opportunity to connect, guide, and grow alongside your children in meaningful ways.


Reference

Coleman, J. (2024). Rules of estrangement: why adult children cut ties & how to heal the conflict. Random House.

Wood, D., Crapnell, T., Lau, L., Bennett, A., Lotstein, D., Ferris, M., & Kuo, A. (2017). Emerging adulthood as a critical stage in the life course. Handbook of life course health development, 123-143.

Comments


bottom of page