How I finally mastered work-life balance (by giving up on it)

For years, I believed that work–life balance meant perfect ratios — equal time for work and rest, productivity and play. But striving for that balance made me more stressed than ever. Eventually, I had to admit the truth: we all have only 24 hours in a day and seven days in a week. How could I possibly have everything perfectly aligned or equal?

Rethinking Work–Life Balance

As a researcher, I now see that the concept of “work–life balance” is flawed — or at least oversimplified. Balance is not a static state we can achieve once and for all; it’s a dynamic process, a continual negotiation of trade-offs between the many roles we play.

Even the term itself is misleading. “Work” is only one aspect of life, but “life” includes so much more: being a parent, a partner, a friend, taking care of one’s health and well-being, pursuing hobbies, and maintaining social connections. Expecting perfect equality among all these roles is unrealistic. What we need instead is realistic expectations — and compassion for ourselves when things tilt temporarily toward one side.

What Research Tells Us

There’s plenty of research showing that work–life conflict reduces productivity and well-being, while better work–life integration is linked to higher job satisfaction, stronger organizational commitment, improved mental health, and lower turnover.

But organizations often frame the problem in terms of productivity loss — rarely acknowledging the human loss: the missed bedtime stories, the forgotten school plays, or the emotional distance that can grow between partners.

The Impact on Parents and Children

Several studies highlight just how deeply work–life conflict affects families.

Research consistently shows that when work demands spill over into family life, both parents and children are affected (Kazley et al., 2016).

Parents who struggle to disconnect from work often experience greater fatigue and emotional strain, which in turn reduces their ability to engage warmly and attentively with their children. This pattern is particularly pronounced for mothers and for families facing additional pressures such as dual careers, lower income, or limited support systems (Kazley et al., 2016; Shi et al., 2021; Chai et al. (2022). Over time, these dynamics can contribute to increased stress within the household and to children’s behavioural or emotional difficulties (Chai et al. (2022).

What these studies reveal is simple but profound: when parents can’t detach from work, their children notice. They see the tired eyes, the distracted answers, the emotional distance. And in our culture of perfection, parents feel pressured to excel in every role, which only worsens the cycle. It’s time to stop chasing perfection — we’re not infinite.

Practical Ways to Reclaim Your Time

We can’t eliminate all work–life conflict, but we can learn to transition more intentionally between roles. Here are some approaches that helps me:

1. Set firm boundaries.

   Define clear work hours (for example, 8–16) and stick to them. Let colleagues or clients know when you’re offline unless there’s a true emergency. Unplug and be present with your family.

2. Create a transition ritual.

   As Cal Newport suggests in Deep Work, signal to yourself that the workday is done. For me, the commute home is a mental “reset” — a time to tell myself it’s time to shift focus.

3. Be flexible.

   Some weeks demand extra work; others allow more family time. When deadlines loom, communicate with your partner and plan mutual support.

4. Listen to feedback.

   If your partner or children say you’re working too much, don’t take it personally. It’s often true — use it as an opportunity to adjust together.

5. Prioritize quality over quantity.

   Being physically present isn’t enough. Real connection comes from undivided attention. Put the phone away and truly listen.

6. Build a support system.

   Ask for help from friends, family, or other parents. Share responsibilities like school pickups or activities. As the African proverb says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” If you don’t have a village, create one.

   
   

Conclusion: The Freedom in Letting Go of “Balance”

After years of chasing the myth of perfect balance, I’ve learned that mastery comes from surrender. Life is fluid — some seasons demand more work, others more care, rest, or connection. Instead of striving for symmetry, I now focus on alignment: making sure that how I spend my time reflects what truly matters.

Work–life balance isn’t about having equal slices of time; it’s about having peace with how the slices are divided. When we stop chasing perfection and start embracing presence, we find not balance, but something far more sustainable — a life that feels whole.

References

Chai, L., & Schieman, S. (2022). Work-to-family conflict and children’s problems with school, friends, and health: household economic conditions and couple relationship quality as contingencies. Journal of Family Issues, 43(6), 1555-1578.

Kazley, A. S., Dellifraine, J., Lemak, C. H., Mullen, C., & Menachemi, N. (2016). Work-life balance among health administration faculty who are parents. Journal of Health Administration Education, 33(2), 333-350.

Shi, Y., Xie, J., Zhou, Z. E., Ma, H., & Tang, Y. (2022). How parents' psychological detachment from work affects their children via fatigue: The moderating role of gender. Stress and Health, 38(3), 463–476.